The Canker Sore Diet is a brand new diet plan that I just created today but I’ve been on since Tuesday. This plan is all about weight loss through negative reinforcement and lasts approximately 4-6 days. I have lost 1.6 kilos so far, so IT WORKS! There is no need to change your exercise habits at all, so you can keep going through your busy day without taking time to go jogging or visit the gym.

First of all, you have to have a canker sore on your inner cheek. A canker sore is not the same as a cold sore. One of the differences is that you can get the former by biting on your cheek, quite hard and probably by accident. The sore will make its existence known in a day or two.

Then, just follow these easy instructions:

– Avoid putting anything taller than a popcorn flake into your mouth. Even that may be too large. The reasoning behind this is that you don’t want to open your mouth too wide. Your cheek will let you know if you do by bringing you pain.

– Do not ingest anything you cannot chew. Chewing is like opening your mouth, except your lips don’t part (if you’re polite). You don’t want to open your mouth too wide. Popcorn is all right if you do not mind swallowing the jagged kernel bit whole.

– Drink any fluid you like. You can also “drink” mushy foodstuffs like oatmeal. A blender is useful here. In addition, “blended” food tends you make you feel full longer. Awesome!

That’s it. After your sore heals, you’ll find yourself a little bit lighter, and probably hungry for a steak.

If at any time you cheat by using benzocaine or any other painkiller, you are a wuss and may as well not even go on this diet. Then again, I’m not on it on my own accord, either. I just haven’t found time to go to the store, and I tell you, a black tea bag (pictured) doesn’t help, although it’s passable gauze that tastes of strong tea. And yes, the blender instruction is the only legitimate weight-loss tip in this post.

I wish you luck should you choose to partake in the Canker Sore Diet.